To Hell With Ideals
I’ve heard some people totally shit on goal-setting. Maybe that word sounds too sporting. Maybe others prefer not to put pressure on themselves to accomplish things. Maybe a fear lingers that they’ll fail. Maybe others just hate the SMART goal acronym and wish it would die already. Or weirdly, maybe goals “aren’t difficult enough.”
Yet, throwing out goal-setting altogether leaves room for an even tougher devil to take up space:
Ideals.
What is an ideal? To me, it’s a far off version of perfection.*
Years ago, I threw out goal-setting because I felt depressed about not achieving the goals I created. But almost immediately, ideals invaded and proliferated in me. I often thought, “if only I could be like (insert name of famous musician) then I would have it all together.” Comparisons festered, and comparisons are indeed a thief of joy.
As I languished in not living up to whatever ideal I was comparing myself to, I also felt completely depressed. True, there was a lot of progress in a lot of ways. I saw forward movement. Yet I still felt haunted by the sense that I couldn’t reach that plateau.
Ideals vs Goals
I stayed attached to ideals until I began to consider the differences between ideal and goals. What I figured out totally surprised me:
Ideals lend themselves well to obsession, and obsession leaves no room for allowing the energy of inspiration. Putting work into achieving well-defined goals allows me to gauge progress, feel momentum, and it primes the pump for inspiration.
Reaching an ideal can never happen because ideals love to change. Reaching a goal means I get the satisfaction of reaching it, and then choosing a new goal.
Ideals resist definition. Goals love specificity.
Ideals tend to grow exponentially, no matter the progress made towards them (a true rat race). Goals stay the same size as when I consciously chose them.
Ideals resist measurement. Goals thrive on it.
Ideals constantly shift and move around. Goals stay put (with a little bit of effort).
Reaching an ideal means nothing because I don’t ever notice reaching it. Reaching a goal means a whole lot more because I will celebrate the completion of that goal. I more clearly reach a goal than I do an ideal.
Ideals need a low-self worth to thrive. Goals need sustained engagement and a little love to survive.
Ideals seem indistinct and fuzzy. Goals love to exist in a concrete, crisp, clear, and transparent way.
Ideals require me to measure myself relentlessly to other people, especially if I look up to them. Goals force me to get pragmatic about growth, to get smart about how progress gets measured.
Ideals force me to measure progress forwards, to see exactly how far I am away from achieving them. Goals allow me the opportunity to measure progress backwards, from where I started, and focus on the gains.
Ideals suck focus away from my mental life due to their chatty and cluttered nature. Goals are simple, clear, and I let go of them after I reach them.
Ideals breed depression. Goals breed momentum and lightness.
Ideals punish me regardless of whether I chase them or not. Goals don’t mind getting put away for a little while, especially if I only notice the progress I make towards achieving them.
Ideals have only one timestamp: ASAP. Goals can easily survive an openness and freedom of time.
Ideals force me to concoct how to get there. Goals (without a time-stamp) allow enough room for me to use inspiration to find the strongest way to achieve them.
Ideals never give me a moments rest. Whatever I do, I’ll never live up to them. Goals allow me far more peace, especially if I see progress.
Ideals cause anxiety. Goals can create repose and happiness if done correctly and with inspiration.
Ideals get implanted as a result of unconscious programming. Goals are chosen consciously, and (hopefully) with immense care.
So now? I’ve thrown out all my ideals. I set goals. This time, I said, “No timestamps. I’m patient. I can still get it done even if it’s not today.” I measure the progress backwards. Much, much simpler. Lighter.
I notice more and more relief flood my body when I work. I no longer feel stressed while I work. I can also feel rested and comfortable on my days off. I can let go of work with much more ease.
And overall, I see a lot more forward movement. I feel much happier. I feel like my goals are much closer to getting accomplished, too.
And holy shit I’ve got tons of things I gotta do with this life.
*Ideals and/or goals have nothing to do with one's values, ethics, anything else. It is simply a mental construct of the “perfect” you living the “perfect” life with the “perfect” this/that/the other thing.